


Midnight Swim

by evenstar8705



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Friendship/Love, Pregnancy, Science Fiction, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 11:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19945381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenstar8705/pseuds/evenstar8705
Summary: Takes place in Season 5 of the show while Odo is stuck as a human and Kira is near the end of her surrogate pregnancy. He struggles with his humanity and his losses. Kira is frustrated with Shakaar and anxious about the end of her pregnancy. The two of them are best friends so they discuss their problems and try to advise and comfort each other.





	Midnight Swim

Odo awoke feeling as though he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. The sound of his alarm was jarring but at least he heard it. He had overslept a few times the first week he was made permanently human. Worf and his deputy never failed to remind him that his perfect attendance record was shattered. It wasn’t fair! When he was a Changeling, he usually required only an hour regenerating in his bucket and the ‘waking’ was as automatic as breathing. He didn’t need alarms. He felt more tired than he had before not refreshed.

Odo stumbled out of the cot he used as his bed. He had ordered a softer bed since the replicators couldn’t possibly make him something so large easily or speedily. The mattress was rock hard. The blankets were thin and scratchy. He’d never looked forward to purchasing furniture before. He had borrowed the cot from the security holding cells and spent a painstaking amount of time choosing an ideal bed. His bucket was being used as a plant holder now and he couldn’t believe he was jealous of a house plant!  


Along with a bed, he’d been forced to purchase toiletries and kitchen equipment. Cooking had become a new favorite hobby since he could actually taste whatever he made. Watching the butter melt, the dough to rise, and the pasta to firm or soften was comforting and the closest he could come to shifting anything anymore. Perfecting the recipes satisfied his OCD as a bonus. He often invited Garak or Kira into his quarters to taste his work. They complimented his culinary skills saying only Captain Sisko was a better chef.

To maximize his severely limited time, he kept to quick sonic showers, brushing and flossing his teeth whilst getting the rest of his body clean. He skipped breakfast since eating too early and too fast made him queasy and he felt ravenous with hunger long before lunch no matter how many calories he consumed. The human stomach was a fickle and impatient beast with a worse memory than him.

He trimmed and combed his blonde hair and avoided looking at his face in the mirror of his remodeled bathroom. The Great Link had added an extra cruel torment making him keep his half-formed face to remind him what he had been and that had never been handsome. Dr. Bashir told him facial cosmetic surgery was an option. He could choose any face that took his fancy. He could change his gender or his species, though not quite convincingly. Outward appearances were all that seemed to matter to Odo, or so his friends thought. He opted out of surgery. He was changed enough!

He was lazy and replicated a crisp uniform to put on along with undergarments. He learned the hard way that such a seemingly unnecessary layer of clothing was vital. Clothing was something he never required as a Changeling either. He simulated clothing for appearances. Technically he was always naked but his friends forgot that. Now he really did need a belt to keep his pants up and not just for style and because a certain unnamed Bajoran woman seemed to like the way it looked on him.

He did a double take to remind himself not to forget anything before returning to the security office. He hated when he did and was forced to backtrack and waste more precious time. Bashir recommended seven to nine hours of sleep every day. Odo was horrified. There were only twenty-six hours in a Bajoran daily cycle which was what the station used for their schedule. Sleeping even the minimum seven hours was robbing him of over a quarter of his day! Add to that the amount of time needed for grooming and eating and trips to the lavatory and nearly half his day was selfishly eaten up for himself and not work! How devastating! Odo was a workaholic by nature and his job required every minute of his time.

Once in his office, he drank some raktajino so that he could trick his brain into thinking he wasn’t tired and could be productive. No wonder Major Kira and Captain Sisko loved the stuff so much! It was more caffeine than he should take and he relied on it more than they did, but he was willing to sacrifice his health a little. He was glad he wasn’t hung-over. He understood humanoid self-destructive habits like how they began in the first place and how they were trapped in their vicious cycles. Even Quark had cut him off more than once at the bar. It didn’t matter how many times Odo threatened the Ferengi, he really did care about his former Changeling customer.

He checked the terminal as he sipped the Klingon coffee for messages he had missed attempting sleep. Sleeping introduced the concept of dreams and nightmares to him. He didn’t care for old memories of the lab. He didn’t mind the erotic dreams he had about a certain redheaded Bajoran woman but they were painful upon the waking. Changelings could ‘daydream’ but they could control their thoughts and didn’t dream while regenerating. It was pure deep sleep and relaxing. 

Next he spoke to each member of his security team. There had been a minor drunken brawl and a single petty theft the perpetrator insisted was a mere misunderstanding of the advertisement of free samples. There had been no reports of suspicious or criminal activity beyond that. Odo was relieved. He couldn’t handle much more than that today. He had fallen behind on his filing and he needed to make digital prints of the newest activity yesterday. 

His deputy scolded him, “Constable, you know you could hire someone else to do this sort of menial work. It was always beneath you anyway. A man in your position never has to do this sort of thing, you know that?”

“If I don’t do it, it’s not done right!” Odo growled.

“You’re human, Constable. I shouldn’t have to remind you of that. You’re exhausted, malnourished, and your mood isn’t improving anything! Hire and train a secretary to do this for you. I’d appreciate the eye candy. Also, she could remind you about the doctor’s appointment you have in less than an hour.”

Odo cursed, “You’re right! I do have an appointment with Julian today! How do I keep forgetting such simple things?”

He had gone from having near perfect memory to a faulty storage bank a goldfish would have scoffed at. He was trapped in a Terran humanoid body meaning he was more limited than the majority of alien species. He was physically weaker, slower, less agile and flexible, and his senses dull. The Starfleet humans made up for their lack in their annoying optimism, cultural and genetic variety, and their resourcefulness and intelligence. But Odo was not optimistic when even his reading pace became slower.

He found the loss of memory and sensation of feeling the worst. He was reliant on his good memory for much of his work and personal life. He had to leave himself notes, play games to sharpen his lost skill, and he had to ask people to repeat instructions or questions. As for his beloved sense of feeling, it was as though he had been neutered down to his lowest settings as a Changeling. He couldn’t feel vibrations in the air as he used to. If he touched an object or person, they felt thin or far away. That was the best way he could describe it.

His deputy smiled fondly at him, “I’ll hire a temp to help you catch up on the paperwork. Will you at least let me do that?”

“Fine.”

Odo hurried to the medical office. Bashir wasn’t happy with his blood pressure or the sound of his heart. He forced Odo to eat a breakfast sandwich as he took blood and other samples. He squirmed at the prick of the needle as he was forced to take a battery of immunizations for every conceivable illness. He made him swallow vitamins on top of the food. Odo had no idea how delicate the humanoid digestive system was and the balance of proteins, vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates, and sugars required daily just to keep the body functioning was a ridiculous guessing game unless you were Julian Bashir.

“You’re as bad as Major Kira when it comes to skipping meals, Odo,” Bashir said. “Don’t drink anymore coffee either today.”

“If you say so.”

“At least you are very good at cleaning your teeth!”

“I can’t stand the thought of microorganisms in my mouth!”

“Get used to it, Odo. You have such critters living in your pores and your eyelashes.”

“What?”

Odo swore that his lashes itched. He wanted to tear them out and burn the offending creatures in an open flame. After a sonic shower or bath with water it was impossible for a human to be clean.

“It’s healthy to have some dirt and grit!” Bashir insisted. “Think of it as a symbiotic relationship. The bacteria and organisms are your friends!”

“But lice aren’t?”

“No, kill those with mayonnaise.”

“Mayonnaise?”

“Yes. It suffocates them.”

“Isn’t there a more merciful way to kill them?”

“Luckily we’ve never had a lice infestation on this station, Odo. I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re exceptionally clean and don’t share hats or grooming tools with others, do you?”

“I never wear hats!” Odo grumbled. “Now what can I do about my inability to sleep soundly? Dreamless would be nice.”

“I can give you melatonin. I don’t want to risk you becoming dependent on sleep aids. You seem susceptible to addictive substances. I can’t risk it.”

“Don’t you have non-addictive substances?”

“Physically but it’s your mental well being I’m most concerned for right now. Are you sure you don’t want counseling?”

“No, doctor!”

Bashir blinked, his only hint that he strongly disapproved. Odo rose from the medical table.

“Are we done here yet?”

“Yes. I’d recommend that you take the rest of the day off, but I know you won’t. Take two tablets of melatonin tonight. They’re chewable.”

“How do they taste?”

“Like gritty iron.”

“Wonderful!” Odo said sarcastically, snatching the bottle. “Maybe I’ll sprinkle some sugar on them!”

“A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!” Bashir quoted.

“What medical text is that from?”

“Oh, it’s from a Mary Poppins book and Disney film. A classic but well before my time,” Bashir stammered.

“If I recall, it’s also for children.”

“And children at heart!” Bashir was wounded. “I also recommend an hour of exercise before bed. It is good for you in nearly every way imaginable.” 

“And what sort of exercise will save me the most time?” Odo hated the idea of fitting yet another thing into his schedule.

“That’s an easy question: Swimming! Use Quark’s holosuites to simulate an Olympic pool and swim laps.”

Odo left the medical office and joined Kira at the cafeterias on the Promenade for lunch. He was going to go on his usual patrols afterward. Kira ate oily but thoroughly cooked fish and drank flavored water since she was forbidden caffeine by Bashir while pregnant with the O’Brien’s baby. Odo had eaten that sandwich so he snacked on cold meat and vegetables while sipping prune juice.

The few things he had gained were the elusive sense of taste and smell his friends constantly experienced. Smell was overwhelming at first. He was assaulted with nothing but bad smells it seemed. He was mortified that he produced terrible smells himself! Luckily Kira and the others assuaged his worries and were helpful in introducing him to good smells.

“What did I smell like as a Changeling?” Odo asked nervously.

“You didn’t give off much of a smell honestly, but if I had to describe it when I could catch something, it would be the smell of rain,” Kira answered.

“Rain?” he gazed at her with his sky blue eyes. “Is that a good smell? It doesn’t rain in space.”

“I’m glad you asked!” she produced her bag. “I brought some small scented candles for you to whiff.”

She lifted a candle to his nose. He breathed in. He was relieved it wasn’t a bad smell after all. It might be pleasant to him, but what did she think of it?

“I’ve heard smell can be objective,” he said. “Is this objectively a good smell, Kira?”

She nodded with a twitch of her nose ridges, “It’s a fond scent for me.”

“But how do I smell now?” he wondered aloud.

She sniffed at him and answered, “You smell like Julian! He gave you his cologne, didn’t he?”

“Ah, yes.”

“Well, you don’t drown yourself in it, so it’s not bad. Julian uses far too much for my taste.”

“Have you told him that?”

“Frequently!”

“And?”

“He says no other woman has complained before. I told him they are either two faced or too well brought up to complain to his face. I’m blunt.”

“I need someone blunt,” Odo assured her and left unsaid he loved that about her and wished more humanoids were as honest. “Garak saw me walking out of Julian’s office with a bottle and warned me to use it sparingly. He tried to convince me natural sweat may smell terrible but it produces pheromones a woman can’t smell but senses subconsciously. Trying to smell like a flower can be counterproductive. I suppose a Cardassian knows all about that sort of thing.”

“They do,” Kira admitted. “And Garak knows more than he lets on, the lizard-fiend.”

She had been bold enough to ask Garak if he ever kept a comfort woman or had relations with a Bajoran before during or after the Occupation. He had looked at her long and hard before answering.

“I am an opportunistic lover, not a rapist. I saw the evil in the comfort women system that Dukat supported and sampled from himself. I’ve never had real trouble finding a willing partner when it strikes my fancy.”

“You’re a known liar. How can I trust you? Would you admit taking advantage of a Bajoran woman if you did?” 

“Why just a woman, Major, when men were victims as well?” he challenged. “They weren’t institutionally used because of Cardassian philosophy toward same sex relations, but trust me, it happened and was far more common than you’d imagine.”

“I know that’s not a lie, unfortunately. Bareil admitted he gave counseling to such a man.”

“Counseling?” 

“Spiritual counseling,” Kira clarified. “Don’t read more into my words especially if you’re wildly speculating false things!”

“Well, as I said, Major, I don’t go out of my way to entice Bajoran women. Ziyal is only half Bajoran and I’m not sure why she follows me around. She should be as put off by me as you are. I wouldn’t dream of enticing you because I know you belong to someone else on this station.”

“You mean Shakaar on Bajor,” Kira corrected.

“Did I mean that, Major?” Garak flashed one of his infamous smiles. “It must be the pheromones that overcame poor naïve Ziyal. Bajoran females find us as much a guilty pleasure as our men find them. Such relations can be pleasant in the right circumstances.”

“Maybe in a hundred years and the Occupation is a memory that no longer hurts anyone, there will be many happy hybrid families,” Kira said softly.

Garak looked at her thoughtfully, “That isn’t a terrible future for both our species, is it? You can be quite insightful and progressive despite what you have suffered at the hands of my people, Major. I admire that about you.”

“Cardassians usually despise hybrids. You treat Ziyal like a queen and that has changed my opinion toward you, Garak,” she explained.

“Dare I say we are becoming friends?”

“That would be very daring, but I may need your services at the tailor shop soon. Maternity clothes are a nightmare to shop for and my body is constantly changing.”

“I can make adjustable clothing at a discount for you.”

“I may take you up on that offer.”

She didn’t tell Garak that he made her remember Alled Galex. She hadn’t thought of him in years. She looked up his record in the computer system out of curiosity. There wasn’t much but there was images and information about his youth. He had been a model junior scout but he had average marks in school. He wanted to be a mechanic engineer like Miles and not a soldier. All male Cardassians served a few compulsory years in the military. They were given longer postings based on need, skill, and age. Because Alled was so young and inexperienced, he had been assigned to Bajor. He would never leave. 

Kira was shocked to see that Alled had been disciplined a few times for showing sympathy for the Bajorans. He disobeyed a direct order to beat an old Bajoran woman. He had been threatened with court marshal if he continued to be so soft. His target marks were excellent and yet he had never killed anyone in combat. He reminded her of a young Ghemor and how she had grown to love that Cardassian like a father! She wished sometimes she had spent the night with him.

At least I didn’t kill him, Kira thought. I’ll never know who did. Maybe it was Tahna Los. Maybe it was Lupaza or Furel. If the Occupation hadn’t been going on, maybe he would have been my first love and not Bareil.

“You haven’t asked how you smell,” Odo interrupted her thoughts.

She pulled her head and half her body away in her chair, “I have inkling already. No need to compare. Smell this candle instead. It’s butterscotch.”

“Awfully sweet!” he crinkled his nose in disgust.

“I thought so.”

She tossed that one into the replicator to get rid of it, hitting her mark beautifully. As she grabbed for another, Odo noticed she had a box of kava crackers in her bag and pointed them out.

“I haven’t tried kava flavors yet. May I?  
”  
“Open up!” she was excited as a child.

He was thrown off a bit by the instruction but opened his jaws. She tossed a cracker within his mouth and fist pumped and laughed. It was a harder target than the replicator had been. Odo savored the new sample and swallowed. He delighted in his sense of taste.

“That’s good!” he exclaimed. “It’s a bit like hazelnut and sugar.”

“Yep, and unlike chocolate, it’s not fattening!” she informed him. “It’s my go-to snack when I crave a sweet which is all the damn time!”

“Aren’t pregnant women supposed to gain some weight?”

“Yes, but I’d rather not swell up to the size of an asteroid!”

“Have you and the O’Briens decided to nurse the baby when it comes? I read that helps a new mother take off the weight enormously,” Odo suggested.

“How do you know so much about pregnancy and nursing?” Kira teased.

He stammered and she giggled and tossed another cracker at him. He caught it like a shark and feigned anger. 

“I demand more crackers as a peace offering!”

They play fought for the box for a moment and Kira shouted, “Replicate your own box! How dare you try to steal from a pregnant Bajoran woman! That’s like poking a sleeping hara cat! Do you want my claws in your eye?”

“But I want these particular crackers!” he said immaturely but didn’t care.

“You see how hunger can change a humanoid’s personality now?”

“Oh, yes! There’s so much I appreciate about what you all experience day to day!” he became serious. “I swear there’s so much eating, sleeping, and pardon me, but excreting! There are aches and pains that Bashir insists are normal! The things you most want can kill you! I forget to eat somehow and then overeat. Why does the human stomach delay sending messages to the brain to inform it that it is time to stop? How do you cope?”

Kira sighed, “Some species like the Terrans and Bajorans start to get used to it after the toddler stage. Others take longer. Some take far less time. You’ll get there, Odo.”

He groaned and she ruffled his hair affectionately. He was stunned. He had felt her short nails dig into his scalp and his heart had picked up and his breath hissed through his nose. He wasn’t simulating anything anymore. She smelled of Bajoran temple incense on days there were services. Today she smelled of Bajoran lilacs. She had been told her mother was fond of them and so was she. He knew now that he loved it too.

“To answer your question, I will nurse the baby. It’s not mine, not even the same species, but it will have been part of me five months. Bajoran women are connected to their babies by more than a placenta. There are vital blood vessels that attach themselves. This baby will likely receive some of my alien DNA. We just don’t know how much.”

“So, in a way, this baby really will be partly yours!” Odo gasped. “You are a third parent, not just a surrogate! That’s amazing!”

Kira was touched by how enthusiastic he seemed about the subject and continued, “Bajoran babies desperately need their mother’s milk. Because they spend less time in the womb developing, the milk makes up for it. Normally their baby does get some benefits and Keiko nursed Molly, but obviously she can’t produce milk. She didn’t carry him long enough.”

“So it’s a boy!” Odo whispered, still enthusiastic.

Kira clamped a hand over her mouth, “I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that yet! Please keep it to yourself, Odo?”

“My lips are sealed,” he imitated closing a zipper over his mouth.

“Give me back my crackers, Odo, and keep the candles! Tell me later which scents you liked!”

She snatched her food back and left. Odo went out on his patrol. The evening was uneventful so he worked on his files some more in his office before turning in. He cooked himself a modest dinner and then went to Quark’s. When he asked for the program, the Ferengi grinned.

“Oh, the program was just being used! The customer should be done with it by now. Get into swimming trunks and go to the first suite. The program will be ready for you, I promise!”

“Thanks, Quark,” Odo said mechanically.

“Would you like a drink while you are here? I have extra bubbly and fizzy drinks on sale tonight!”

Odo hesitated and then gave in, “Why not?”

“I’ll never get used to the sight of you drinking!” Quark squawked as happily as a parrot with a cracker.

“Neither will I.”

Odo entered the suite in trunks of the same color as his uniform and a plain white towel draped over his shoulders. He was shocked that he wasn’t alone and that the program wasn’t the Olympic swimming pool he was expecting. Instead it was a Bajoran lagoon with the twin moons gleaming overhead. He heard insects buzzing and someone, a Bajoran woman, was treading about luxuriously in the water. It was Major Kira!

He froze up and stared helplessly. She was wearing a one piece maternity bathing suit that Garak had designed for her. It wasn’t scandalous, but Odo had never seen so much of her. The suit was crimson red and had ruched sides, padded cups, and double lining to add to her comfort. The ruffled top was a stylish detail that discreetly added extra arm coverage but was strapless. Much of Kira’s shoulders, back, and legs were naked. Her belly was charmingly rounded and not even Garak could hide it at this late stage of her pregnancy. She was wet, making her hair a dark auburn, and her skin shimmered in the artificial moonlight. 

She was clueless that he was there and was simply enjoying the experience of a midnight swim. She must not have expected anyone but her tailor to see her in this suit. Odo had never seen anything like it. Did she have any idea how beautiful she was? Not even her night gown had revealed this much!

Quark must have done this to him on purpose and lied to get him in here alone with Kira. He knew it must be so. He was one of the few he had confessed his feelings for Kira Nerys to. The Ferengi might have known all along. Dax knew thanks to his brief joining with Curzon. Lwaxana Troi knew because she was a Betazoid. He wondered how many others knew. Half the station? As long as Kira never found out, he supposed it didn’t matter. Not only was she pregnant, she was Shakaar’s. That Bajoran man was her own species, leader of their planet, a dashing and strapping war hero. He had known Kira her entire life. He was everything Odo wasn’t.

Kira finally noticed that Odo was standing there and let out a startled cry. Odo cleared his throat.

“Quark said the program wasn’t in use. I didn’t mean to intrude, Major.”

“That stupid troll!” she raged, submerging herself a bit under the murky lagoon water.

“He’s actually quite clever.”

“How do you mean?”

“I might explain it to you someday.”

He turned to leave but Kira called, “You don’t have to go, Odo! Come on in! The water is fine!”

“How deep is it?”

“A couple fathoms at most.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I was going to set the water shallow enough that I could stand if I needed to. Nearly drowning in the Great Link gave me a slight phobia. I haven’t attempted to swim in this clumsy human body.”

“I’ll hold your hand.”

She snatched his hand. Odo hesitated and she took advantage of that. She yanked his arm and he fell into the water. She was stronger than him. As a Changeling, that would never be, but Bajorans were stronger than Terrans. He splashed awkwardly in the water and Kira laughed and clutched his shoulders to hold him up and help him gain his buoyancy. 

She hadn’t touched his new bare skin before and he had avoided making direct contact with much of her skin since being human. She felt soft and warm even with his pathetic senses further dampened by water. He was almost relieved. Her touch made him feel like a Changeling again. He felt the same magic tingling in his body as the time she grabbed his hand when he wasn’t prepared for it. She gasped.

“You feel so soft!” she said exactly what he had been thinking about her.

She didn’t tell him she had to resist the urge to reach out and touch his chest. It was hairless and looked so soft. He wasn’t muscular like Bareil or Shakaar, but he wasn’t flabby. He seemed impossibly thin, delicate, and graceful. He was tall and his eyes were so very sad. They were like blue puppy dog eyes. His legs were long and wiry. His whole body was practically hairless except for very fine blonde hair in several places. He also looked good when wet. She didn’t even think about the part of his body beneath his trunks. To her he had always seemed androgynous and was genderless so long. He was obviously male now, but she had trouble grasping that.

Her pregnancy hormones were really doing a number on her! Unlike with Miles, part of her had always found Odo unconventionally appealing. She was convinced her Changeling was so uninterested in romance, though, that he might as well be her gay friend. She was as desirable to him in that regard as a Ferengi woman, no doubt. How wrong she was!

Odo clutched her shoulders and held on for dear life. His fear was a good distraction from sensations urging precisely where she ignored. The frigid water helped to keep him from displaying his feelings in the most awkward and undeniable way possible. He understood all too well male sexuality and drive. He had mocked men and their urges until he received their organ. The thing had a mind of its own sometimes! He would never mock them again. He deserved some of the bad karma he was receiving and he knew it. He had been arrogant and condescending to humanoids more than he should have been.

“Should I change the temperature settings?” she asked when his teeth began to chatter and his lips to turn purple.

“No, please don’t! I am- Oh! Did I just feel the baby kick?”

“Yep!”

She pulled away a bit and placed his hand on her belly so he could feel. She got annoyed when people did that to her without permission but she trusted Odo and never minded his touch. He was amazed by the sensation and the very idea of mothers and infants. Part of him wished he could experience it himself but most days he was very glad he was given a male body rather than a female body. He saw during the Occupation enough to realize he was safer in his current form. He would have also been an incredibly ugly woman.

“You’ll be an excellent mother, Kira,” he said.

A drop fell from her eye and joined the pool of the lagoon, “This baby isn’t mine, Odo. As soon as he’s born, he’ll go straight to Keiko’s arms. Shawn or Yoshi will be his name and she will decide because she is his mother. I’m only a vessel and I’m moving out of their quarters and using a pump so she can bottle-feed him my milk.”

“I thought you enjoyed living with the O’Briens,” Odo didn’t mean to upset her.

“I’ve intruded on their family enough. I want to dive back into work as soon as I can and stop sneezing constantly and eating endlessly and having swollen ankles! I’m glad that’s ending, but I’ll miss this child! You know there was a girl we rescued from her Cardassian master. She would sing lullabies to herself and rock an invisible baby in her arms. Later I found out she had a hybrid son she was forced to give up. I imagine I’ll be singing lullabies to myself and crying into my pillow for a few weeks. Nothing can be done about it.”

He knew Bajoran females were typically more emotional than others, but Kira was level-headed and rarely lost control of them. The pregnancy was making it harder and Odo knew it. He hugged her close.  
“You have done a wonderful thing for the couple,” he said. “No one sees you as a baby machine.”

“Yeah, well, Shakaar seems to think otherwise!” Kira stubbornly brushed her tears away and grew angry.

“I thought you two were getting along?”

“Not really. We had an ugly fight before I last left Bajor. He was frustrated that I couldn’t become intimate. I’m sorry, Odo, but I have to include some of these details so that you understand. Pregnancy causes the last weeks to make that sort of activity very uncomfortable for the woman. We don’t get much opportunity to express our love in that way.”

“And how is he in that department?” Odo was morbidly curious when he had avoided the subject many times before.

“He’s fine.”

Odo gave her a look of doubt.

“He’s not terrible!”

Odo laughed.

“Look, it’s just that we have so little time and we’re so stressed! It happens so quickly, I can’t get the full experience. It’s impossible.”

“I’m sure he’s quite satisfied every time!” Odo growled.

“I hope so.”

“Kira, what about your pleasure and your needs? If he can’t satisfy them, what sort of a romantic partner is he?”

“Why do you care?” Kira cried.

“Because the Cardassians expected to take full advantage of you and leave you with nothing! I would hope a Bajoran man would treat you better!”

“He tries, Odo. Sometimes he succeeds.”

“Sounds like it’s not often enough.”

“Well, that’s not the root of the problem. It wasn’t what we fought about, but I know it certainly didn’t help. He had no idea that I moved in with the father and mother of the baby. He was less than happy about that.”

“You didn’t tell him?”

“He should have realized it within the first call I made to him from the station after I moved in!” she snapped. “Keiko was cooking in the background. Molly’s toys were everywhere. She was sitting in my lap wanting her hair played with. Miles’ model ships and antique planes were hanging from the ceiling or on the table nearby. I told him he should have figured it out and it didn’t mean I had become Miles’ second wife or anything like that! The couple wanted their surrogate close so they could have their baby close! They wanted to pamper me and show me their gratitude.”

“And what did Shakaar say?”

“That I shouldn’t have agreed to carry their baby in the first place!”

“What? Kira, this is the noblest and most selfless thing you’ve ever done! Everyone is proud of you, especially me!”

“Shakaar thinks I was reckless volunteering my body. He’s jealous of Miles. He’s worried it will compromise it when he’s ready for us to start a family. Bashir did warn me that I could have complications, but I saw that baby when he extracted it from Keiko in the shuttle because of the accident injuring her and forcing him to remove her passenger. There was no medical equipment to keep the baby warm and no nutrients it could digest. I acted upon instinct, Odo. I clutched that baby’s fingers and looked into the face of this innocent that needed me. I was the only woman on board. I knew there was no other choice. I asked Shakaar if he expected me to let that baby die. He got silent. I hate it when he does that!”

She splashed water about in her frustration. Odo wasn’t sure what to say. He hated to admit that he agreed with Shakaar on one thing: Kira’s constant talk about Miles grew extremely tiresome. He was envious that the man got the privilege of giving her massages claiming he wanted his surrogate to be relaxed and healthy. It really did help her ankles when he massaged them. Becoming a man, however, meant that Odo knew even the loving an loyal Miles O’Brien wasn’t beyond temptation. 

With Bajoran families, the women bonded to the father of their babies. It wasn’t as obvious or severe as with Klingon women, it was more subtle. The women released special chemicals: Hormones and pheromones. It was released from their nose ridges and though Miles didn’t have ridges of a male Bajoran, he smelled them with his human nose which was good enough. The blood coursing through the fetus was Miles’ and ran through Kira’s placenta and vessels. It affected her too. It explained their temporary attraction. Luckily, they were mature adults with principles and nothing had happened between them and never would. Once the baby was gone, those reactions would stop.

“Shakaar ought to trust you more,” Odo blurted. “He said he trusted you with his life and that you were very precious to him.”

“He needs to prove it with his actions!” Kira replied. “I don’t fall in love with passive men. Even Bareil was a holy man of action. He didn’t simply babble scripture in hopes of becoming Kai. He got his hands dirty. Words are not enough. I barely get to see Shakaar! Miles has cared for me every day of this pregnancy. That was more seductive than the hormones. I need more of that daily contact with Shakaar Edon!”

“Tell him that!”

“When I’m with him on Bajor, Odo, he becomes almost a different man! He showers me with gifts and kisses. He cancels his appointment and lounges with me and speaks of children and marriage. But once I’m here, he forgets to call! I’ll leave him messages that he takes days to respond to. They are short and clumsy excuses. He can’t seem to find the time to get here but I’m here! Don’t I matter? Why does it seem like I put far more effort into seeing him?”

“He’s prime minister,” Odo reminded her.

“Bareil found time!”

“Shakaar won’t be minister for life. It will get better.”

“No, but he has a long way to go with his term. He could get reelected. If Winn runs again for prime minister, he’ll have to! I can’t leave this station. He can’t leave Bajor. I feel trapped sometimes. Sometimes I think Dukat was right.”

“Dukat?” Odo wondered how that despot had entered the conversation.

“He warned me that Shakaar was a womanizer. I have nightmares that he’s cheating on me. Dukat got under my skin like he always does! He tries to demonize every man I dare to love that isn’t him!”

“Honestly, I don’t think he would cheat on you. Do you love Shakaar?”

She should have answered that question within a heartbeat, but she took her time and halfheartedly nodded. Odo shrugged.

“I’m not really one to ask for dating advice! I can’t believe I’m defending the man either. He’s a good leader but he’s a terrible lover. Even I can see that. You loved Bareil and never hesitated to tell me that. You declared it in the darkest hour of your relationship when you suspected he might be a Collaborator.”

“Enough about me and Shakaar,” Kira turned to him. “I heard you do know more about dating than you let on! You were seen with a woman recently! Why didn’t you tell me about it? I thought I was your best friend!”  


“It was a single date and it was unsuccessful,” Odo’s response was clipped.

“Oh, come on!” Kira splashed his face. “Tell me all about it! I complain to you so much about other men you must secretly hate me! Let me play therapist for you and return the favor!”

“I could never hate you, Kira,” Odo rubbed water from his eyelids. “The date was standard. I invited her to dinner and I actually ate. It was a new and fancy place on the Promenade. I was polite and pulled out her chair, ordered spring wine, paid for the full price of the meal. She wanted to go dancing afterward.”

“You danced?”

“She did. Dancing makes me envy cripples.”

“Odo!” Kira gasped.

“Bad joke, I know. Well, she invited herself into my quarters anyway.”

Kira interrupted for a moment to shake his shoulders and squeal excitedly for him. He seized her wrists to hold her steady.

“Don’t get so excited. She was pushy. I couldn’t bring myself to so much as kiss her. I asked her to leave and find someone else.”

“What was wrong?”

“I found her personality disagreeable and intimacy baffles me.”

That was as much as he could possibly tell her. The woman had been handpicked by Garak to tempt Odo like some reptilian devil attempting to play matchmaker. Odo’s eyes filled with hunger at the sight of her trying on dresses in his tailor shop. She looked like Kira Nerys except that her hair was blonde. The resemblance became a problem. She didn’t walk like her, talk like her, or think remotely like her. In many ways, she was Kira’s opposite.

The woman was very feminine and wore too much makeup and perfume. Even as a human Odo thought makeup was artificial and the perfume made his nauseous. She was frisky on the first date and reminded him of Troi when she kept harassing him. He needed trust and boundaries. He was a virgin and had been traumatized in the lab. Kira knew that. This woman had no clue but it wasn’t something to be brought up in casual dinner conversation.

The most jarring thing was the woman’s voice. As a Changeling, Kira’s voice was enough to soothe or excite him. I had vibrations and notes that were familiar and wonderful to him. As a human, he couldn’t feel it, but his ears heard enough difference. Maybe if Garak hadn’t picked a doppelganger of Kira? That couldn’t have been a mere coincidence either! Damn it, did the Cardassian tailor have him figured out too? He hadn’t confessed that when Garak tortured him but he must have betrayed something in his eyes when he saw Kira again after the ordeal.

“Odo, I was scared of such things for a long time too,” Kira told him. “That is until Bareil came along.”

“Would you have loved him if your Prophets hadn’t practically commanded you to?” Odo knew the question was rude, but he wanted her to consider it.

She gave it proper weight before she answered, “There was an attraction on both sides before the orb experience, if that’s what you mean. It would have taken more time for us to become lovers without the orb, but it would have eventually happened. Do you think I would have thrown myself at him if I found him repulsive or abusive?”

“What if it was Dukat in your vision?”

Kira twitched and splashed in obvious disgust and revulsion at the very idea and hissed, “Never!”

“You’ve said you would do anything for your Prophets. That concerns me. I don’t want to start a religious debate. We’ve done that before, so let’s drop this,” Odo pleaded.

“It’s a fair question and a sincere concern, Odo. I know you aren’t just trying to be superior anymore. Well, I wouldn’t do anything the Prophets ordered if it went against my personal convictions. Thanks to Bareil, Winn, and you and Sisko, I’m far more confident in my faith. I’m comfortable with my doubts, desires, and independent ideas. If they ordered me to love a man I hated like Dukat, they would have to change him into a saint and that would be a miracle! If they ordered me to murder someone, I’d demand the reason and it better be good. Otherwise, I’d know that the command was coming from a Wraith or a dark place in myself, not from the Prophets. Learning the difference and what they want is tricky, but I’m far better equipped to do it now.”

Odo nodded and smiled, impressed and relieved by her answer. She had acquired wisdom and humility in her faith. As an atheist, he could see it and envy it. He was proud of her.

Suddenly, he felt a nip at his toes and cried out in alarm, “Something tugged on my feet!”

“Oh, that must be the minnows. They nibble with no teeth so they're harmless,” Kira giggled. “I kind of like it.”

“Is this lagoon a place from your memory?”

“Yes. My father and mother brought me here to teach me to swim. It’s my earliest memory. Mother was pregnant with Pohl wearing a suit not unlike this. Reon was with relatives. The trip was just for me and my parents. Father tossed me in and told me to swim for goodness sake. I was so scared and hated him for it! But then I watched my mother’s calm motions and copied her. My fear turned to elation as I began swimming entirely on my own! My father Taban looked so proud! I asked him to toss me into the deep end over and over! It was so much fun!”

“Sounds wonderful.”

“It was. A few months later, though, Cardassians arrived to take us to the Singha Refugee Camp. You know the rest of the story. Our province had hills and mountains making it one of the cooler climates so it was last on the list of regions to conquer and redistribute the population. We had escaped much of the Occupation. I guess my parents thought we were safe. We weren’t, but they couldn’t have predicted what would happen or escape it.”

She sounded gloomy again thanks to the unpleasant memories. Odo had an impulse and acted on it. He lifted her up into his arms and tossed her just like her father. When she surfaced, she was laughing. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips. The feeling was delicious!

“Again, Odo!” she whispered. “Please do it again!”

“As you command, Major!”

He tossed her until his muscles began to ache. The baby weight added to hers was taxing. He missed his old strength. He wished he could regain his shifting ability and nibble her toes as a minnow. They’d both enjoy that. Simply shifting again and swimming naturally with gills to breathe the water would be so fulfilling! He was going to die human and alone. He would never be with his people again. The thought seemed to actually affect his human heart. He felt it straining and he felt a phantom pain throughout his chest, a tightening in his throat, and a burning in his eyes.

“Odo, are you crying?” Kira was startled.

“I am. I couldn’t do it as a Changeling,” he confessed. “Now it happens frequently. I think of home and everything I’ve lost. I’m scared to die and of what comes after. There will be no Great Link for me.”

She wiped away a tear and marveled. She never thought she’d witness him openly weeping! Bajoran men were emotional and not afraid of it like Terran men. Odo was proud and stoic. This was a new side of him. She felt privileged but also wanted it to stop. She pressed her brow to his and he shut his eyes.

“You must be so miserable!” she whispered. “I’m so sorry, Odo! You don’t deserve this! Your people were terrible to punish you like this! It’s our fault! We humanoids don’t deserve you!”

“No!” he seized her wrists again and made her look at him. “The Changeling I killed would have hurt you or Sisko or Miles or Bashir! I couldn’t allow that. I also acted on instinct like you! I wanted to incapacitate him, not kill him, but it happened. I don’t regret my actions. Do you hear me, Kira? You are dear to me. So are the others. I would choose this again and again! You admitted you can’t slavishly follow the Prophets. I can’t slavishly obey the Great Link or approve of the Founder’s methods. They are certainly not gods. At least your Prophets seem benevolent.”

“Thank you, Odo. We should be grateful you’re here. I am.”

She hugged him tight. Odo stroked her back. A minnow tugged his toes again. He sensed it was getting late.

“You should call Shakaar,” he encouraged her. “Tell him you love him and that you are moving back into your quarters. Challenge him to come to the station. He should at least be here to witness the birth of this child, right?”

“I think so.”

“I would want to be there if you were mine, Kira. If Shakaar truly cares, he will not allow anything to stop him.”

“Alright, Odo. You ought to see that woman again. Let her know you want to take things slow. She should understand and if she doesn’t, there are plenty of other minnows in the lagoon.”

She smirked and let him go. She stepped out of the lagoon, dripping wet and giving him a full view of herself in the moonlight. It was a perfect end to his evening. Things weren’t so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> "Collide" by Howie Day
> 
> The dawn is breaking  
> A light shining through  
> You're barely waking  
> And I'm tangled up in you  
> Yeah
> 
> I'm open, you're closed  
> Where I follow, you'll go  
> I worry I won't see your face  
> Light up again
> 
> Even the best fall down sometimes  
> Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
> Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
> I somehow find  
> You and I collide
> 
> I'm quiet you know  
> You make a first impression  
> I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
> 
> Even the best fall down sometimes  
> Even the stars refuse to shine  
> Out of the back you fall in time  
> I somehow find  
> You and I collide
> 
> Don't stop here  
> I've lost my place  
> I'm close behind
> 
> Even the best fall down sometimes  
> Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
> Out of the doubt that fills your mind  
> You finally find  
> You and I collide
> 
> You finally find  
> You and I collide  
> You finally find  
> You and I collide


End file.
